Upsilon Sigma Phi World Reunion
Upsilon Sigma Phi World Reunion |
|
URBAN MYTHS ABOUT TORONTO
By Alfie Kwong
As the Torontonian Brods and Sis become hot and heavy in their planning for the Otso Otso sa Toronto for August 2006,I received some apprehensive impressions from brothers in this great Eastern Canadian city; some are wondering whether brods might find Toronto exciting enough to visit.
Of course, I sympathize with the butterflies in their tummies because we do live in a chaotic world where someone breaking wind in the Amazon jungle can cause a tornado in Idaho. It is also possible that some may have a different view of Toronto altogether. While this short essay is not meant to be a Scorsese (or is it Fredsese) production the size of “The Gangs of New York,” I would like to explore, and perhaps dispel some of the myths about Toronto.
Toronto, considered the financial capital of Canada (pronounced Tron-no, spoken fast, with nasal emphasis), is a world class city that boasts of multicultural sophistication. Unfortunately, it is humble in extolling its virtues, much like a beautiful woman confident of her sexuality and grace. So, like a chivalric knight of old, I have come before the castle door, to boast of her wonders and loveliness. Besides, rectifying the image of Toronto appeals to the Canadian in me.
Myth #1: “Maginaw Diyan”
Firstly, if you think the city is built on permafrost, and your stay will be in igloos, the likelihood of the Tooth Fairy visiting you tonight is very high. While Eddie Lee ‘53, the president of the Upsilon Toronto Chapter organizing OtsoOtso, and an established realtor, has a couple of silver-haired seniors living close by, the lady who’s busy trimming her hedges is not Mrs. Santa, and the portly gentleman who is known as her husband is not Santa Claus. As for Eddie going “Ho, Ho, Ho,” when he greets you, it is merely a mannerism he picked up from his favorite Chinatown chef who somewhat resembles Kim Il Jong.
Toronto is not in the Arctic so the possibility of your ship meeting up with a glacier is fairly remote. During August, when the cicadas entertain the Torontonians with their siren chirps, the temperature can be quite tropical. In fact, most houses and all hotels (unless they’re rooming houses along a narrow strip, a very, very narrow strip, called Shooting Row but you won’t be near there anyway) are air-conditioned. You might need an extra light blanket to cuddle under when you’re visiting, but the expectation of frostbite is premature. In August, bring your summer shorts and your Hawaiian shirts – you’d fit in with the locals.
Myth #2 “Ang Layo Ninyo”
Some of you are thinking: it’s closer to get to the moon than to Toronto. Well, if you prefer to be an astronaut, I can’t stop you, but just imagine this: driving distance is about 490 miles from New York, NY to Toronto or 344 miles as the crow flies, (LA to TO – 1,800 miles; LA to New York is about 2,200 miles), and from Chicago to Toronto (about 400 miles) (Chicago to NY is about 640 miles); from Denver, CO to Toronto, 1,100 miles; from Miami, FL, about 1,000 miles.
Other than the fact that US brods and sis have to cross the border to get to Toronto, the distance is not formidable. As for you growing fur when you cross the border, this notion has been around since the American Revolution when the American minutemen tried to dissuade some of the loyalists from running off to Nova Scotia. The only fur that’ll grow is the wrapping around the leggy blonde sitting next to you on the Air Canada flight. But for those who insist on flying US airlines, you can fly to Buffalo International Airport, which is just as far as driving to LAX airport for most Angelenos in normal traffic.
Myth #3 “Ano ba ang magawa diyan sa Toronto?”
How much time have you got? There are so many sights and wonders to see that you’d probably need an extra week just to savor the highlights. Firstly, you’d need at least a day, or close to a day, to see Niagara Falls (well, longer, if you decide to plunge down Bridal Veil in a barrel – I suggest you have adequate medical coverage), and wander around the quaint streets of the town of Niagara-On-The-Lake. Of course, if you love casino, it’d take a group of wild horses to drag you away. The wine tour which will take you to the most spectacular grape-country places famous for their ice-wine will need a bit of time and is something you will rave about.
As for you golf enthusiasts, golfing is a Torontonian past-time (what else do they do in the morning or the early afternoon before tea and to energize themselves for the concert/opera they go to at night?), the pristine golf courses are said to be comparable to those of St Andrew’s. The Glen Abbey Golf Club, for example, is Canada's number 8 ranked course and has hosted numerous championships including the Bell Canadian open, featuring golf heavyweights Tiger Woods, Vijay Singh, Phil Mickelson or Canada’s own Mike Weir. The Glen Abbey also has the distinction of being Jack Nicklaus' first solo-designed course. The course boasts 7,112 yards from the black tees, but is much more accommodating from the front tees. Then there is the beautifully laid out Lakeview Golf Course in Rogie Concepcion 66’s old neighborhood, that is great for both seasoned and beginner golfers. Well, I don’t know which course the planning committee has chosen for you, but it will not be shabby. I understand it might be a golf course in Niagara, maybe something like Whirlpool Golf or Royal Niagara.
And then there is shopping.
Erma Bombeck said, “Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase.” O, I don’t know about that. I know a lot of brods who love the smell of boutiques; they don’t just loiter around Victoria’s Secrets, they actually walk in to buy the silk things, for their wives of course.
In fact, wasn’t it Confucius who said, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a good pair of pumps”? Stretching two full city blocks, The Toronto Eaton Centre is a historical landmark, and today one of Canada’s best-known retail shopping destinations, attracting approximately 50 million visitors annually. The six-storey glass-ceiling structure originated from one man’s dream to revolutionize the Canadian retail industry. In fact, a church friend of mine came back from there with a nice pair of Kenneth Cole black suede women’s Broadway pumps; she said it was like walking on clouds. I wanted to try hers but thought it would conflict with my color scheme. The Marriott where our Otso Otso will be held is 40 steps away from this great shopping mecca.
Toronto boasts a number of attractions for both young and old: the CN Tower, the Harbour Front Center, Ontario Place, Ontario Science Museum, the Skydome, among others. The CN Tower is Canada's most recognizable and celebrated icon. At a height of 553.33m (1,815 ft., 5 inches), it is Canada’s National Tower, the World's Tallest Building, an important telecommunications hub, and the centre of tourism in Toronto. When I gazed down the glass floor on the observation deck, there was a sudden tingling in my testicles before I passed out from the vertigo.
If you hanker for a more sedate outing, there is nothing like a trip to the Toronto Island Park, a great place for your wine and cheese picnic, where you can see the skyline of Toronto across the calm water from Hanlan’s Point. As for me, I like the art gallery and the theatre district with some unbelievably well preserved art-deco foyers and grand staircases. The Lord of the Rings Musical will be premiering about the time of the Otso Otso and you don’t have to be Gandalf to get in.
I can go on and on about the nightlife, about the harbour cruises and the street festivals, and about Chinatown where the cuisine is authentically oriental and the femme fatale cheong-sams are plentiful.
Visit the Otso Otso website, http://www.otsootsosatoronto.com/ for a glimpse of what is in store for us.
“I find that lately, I'm missing old Toronto, where bass is strong and drums are full of fire,” the jazzman Lenny Breau wrote in one of his songs. Well, strong bass and fiery drums are just the undernotes of this great city. There’s the rest of the symphony, in an exciting city that still feels like a cozy town, where people of all colors and sizes welcome you with their big Canadian grin and their jovial, “F’ehst t’am in Tron-no, eh?”